In Loving Memory

  • Remembering my beloved child, Austin, who passed away at the early age of 14. He lived more in those 14 short years than most and is an inspiration to us all.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Dancing in Heaven...

It's Homecoming night and online are dozens of posts of girls in pretty dresses and young men wearing ties.  I can't help but wonder how handsome you would've looked tonight.  Would you have had a smiling girl on your arm?  You'd be driving by now and this might have been your first big date.

As much as it breaks my heart, I close my eyes and can't help but imagine this night.  You'd be laughing nervously and growing impatient by the hundreds of pictures I'd want to take.  I would've been so tickled to see you in a tie.  You never were one to dress up, even wearing jeans to church.  To please me you'd wear a sweater but you'd tug and pull at it the whole hour and be out of it before you made it through the door once home.  In fact, the photo below is about the only picture I have of you in a tie....


I can imagine the rules and checklists and dad talk that Tim would've given you tonight.  You'd go through the motions with him to make sure the truck was safe and ready to drive.  I can see you nodding your head and softly saying, "I know" to everything he'd tell you.  Perhaps I'd have to break in at some point to give you some relief, using the excuse that you'd be late.

I'm sure there would've been lots of nervous moments tonight, if taking a girl to your first dance.  You'd have made me proud with your manners when meeting her parents.  As you opened the doors for her, she'd of felt like the most special girl in the world - and she would have been to have you as a date.  Maybe you'd get the nerve up to go out on the dance floor with her and have your first dance.

And Tim and I would have waited at home nervously until we heard you pull back into the drive.  I can see you walking back into the house with that beautiful smile on your face.  Your dad would pick on you until your face turned red and then maybe the next morning you'd share some details with me.

Sadly, this movie in my mind is just that, only an imagined dream of what could have been.  As much as I try not to, it is hard on nights like this to not wonder what if.  As much as it hurts, I can't help but wish for those lost moments that never were.  The only thing that eases the pain is reminding myself of where you are and that no Homecoming could compare to dancing in Heaven. 
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