In Loving Memory

  • Remembering my beloved child, Austin, who passed away at the early age of 14. He lived more in those 14 short years than most and is an inspiration to us all.

Friday, August 27, 2010

"I'm Here"

I am still so awestruck at what happened that I don't know if I can put my feelings into words! Anyone who knows me well at all, knows how special butterflies have become to me this past year, especially yellow ones.

A little over a year ago, I noticed how yellow butterflies seemed to follow me around. One day, on the way home from work, I was talking to Austin as I always do, and my truck was surrounded by them. They literally followed me home. Afterwards, I'd notice them in the most unexpected places and just somehow knew that it was Austin, telling me he loved me - telling me it would be ok, that he was happy- whatever the answer was I looked for that day.

This afternoon was absolutely beautiful and I decided to stop by Austin's grave. For whatever reason, I hadn't been there in several days. Lately, going there has just brought me more pain than comfort so I think subconsciously I had avoided visiting him. As I entered the cemetery, it was like a parade of butterflies led me to Austin. They danced and fluttered, by the dozens, guiding me to his stone. Once there, hundreds of butterflies bursted from the grass, swirled around me, and flew off into the field.

I've never been so overcome with a mixture of emotions. I felt Austin completely around me! It was amazing and though it lasted only a few moments, that will forever remain a treasured memory.

Shortly after, a vehicle pulled up near mine and so I made my way back to the truck. I don't like to stand and talk to him when there are strangers present - and I want to give whoever has arrived their own privacy to grieve. Surprisingly though, this woman spoke to me. I didn't know her but she knew of us and our family and she had just left visiting June's grave, which is next to Austin.

For the next thirty minutes we stood there crying, sharing stories of our children. She too, had lost a child, though she was grown when she passed. I found myself comforting her, although her loss had been longer ago than mine. As I left, I knew without a doubt those butterflies were Austin, giving me the boost he knew I'd need just moments later. God brought us together and allowed my spirits to be lifted so that I could help another mother who lost her child.

When I got home, I just had to read the post about "little yellow butterflies" again. As I searched his site and the title showed, I sat speechless, tears streaming down my face at the date. 8/27 - exactly one year ago is when I wrote it. I had no knowledge of that this morning or even when I thought of reading it again. That little "coincidence" just confirms all my thoughts and makes this goose bump moment all that more special and amazing.

Thank you, God, for letting me see, feel, and hear Austin today!
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