When you lose a child, there are constant reminders around your home of them. Sometimes they are comforting, sometimes painful. You may open a drawer and find a toy or gadget of theirs. When doing laundry, another article of clothing may pop up in the wash. Even if you haven't started going through their things in their room, items show up and take you back to a moment, a memory.
I've been working from home this week, due to the weather, and grabbed a notebook nearby to take notes while on a call. After the call, for whatever reason, I began going through the notebook and noticed Austin had used it at some point for school. There were a few math pages, notes for a test, a random doodle or drawing and then my eyes fell on a rough draft of an essay.
It was about me. Just a few short lines but each word so precious. I wish I knew for what class and how to get the full version but I'll happily take the rough draft, no matter how short. I was instantly overcome with emotion, both sadness for my intense loss and warmth and love from him. Who knows why I grabbed that notebook, or how I happened upon that page today, but it was the best gift I've had in some time. Once again, Austin has sent me a present I'll treasure forever.
I'm going to try and add the scan but it is light so I'll also type what he wrote:
"One person has greatly inspired me to do many things. That person is my mom. I admire my mom alot. She is a very Great Role Model. She is always there for me I need her. My mom works for the American Cancer Society. She was the supervisor for the Relay For Life."
7 short lines but they are so precious to me. He wrote this recently, I am guessing spring of 08' by the work that is surrounding it. To know that even as a preteen, he still admired me - to see it in his own words, is indescribable.