My birthdays just aren't the same with Austin gone. Then again, no holiday or even every day is either.
Austin's birthday was exactly six months after mine so he was always eager to celebrate his "Happy 1/2 Birthday" on my day. He wanted to grow up faster than he was already doing, ready for whatever adulthood had in store. The only thing that made him smile bigger than being older was growing taller!
When Austin was born and I was completing his baby book entries of height, weight, etc. I noticed how similiar he was to mine records. Aside from sharing 1/2 Birthdays, he was within ounces and inches of being just like me. And there were so many other things we shared.
Throughout his life, people often commented on how much he looked like me. Of course, to a teenage boy, this was not something he liked to hear. He shared my hair color, although his was a much deeper shade of black. And he had the same puppy dog eyes as a child that I was told allowed me to get my way, just as they helped him.
He also took after my personality, people often mistaking him as being shy. Of course, like his Mom, once you got to know him you learned that wasn't true. Austin could be funny, crazy and silly all rolled into one. He shared my love of the same books and music I enjoyed at his age, reading Edgar Allen Poe and rummaging through my 80s CDs.
And most of all, he shared my heart. From the moment I first heard his heartbeat, growing inside my belly, the rythym was connected to mine. And so, without him here, a hole exists in my heart now. I like to think he needed a piece of it, to remember me by.
Happy 1/2 Birthday, sweet boy. I miss you with every beat of my heart.