As much as I'd like to fast forward through this weekend, there is no avoiding Mother's Day. It will always be a holiday that is especially hard for me, as I waver between remembering Austin and allowing Noah to celebrate the day.
You can't hear the word "mother" and not think of your kids. Now my happy memories and moments are flooded with the sadness of losing Austin. I guess it will always be that way, any memory bittersweet.
1998
Mother's Day memories with Austin include seeing him all dressed up for church, something he only did about three times a year - Easter, Christmas, and for me on Mother's Day. They include hand print keepsakes and sticky kisses as a toddler. And the hand-made cardboard cutouts from school, he'd proudly present, as if they were the most expensive piece of jewelry from a store. To me, they were priceless.
For obvious reasons, my last Mother's Day gift will always be special, but it was special then because it was truly from him. Austin knew what he wanted to buy before he went and used his own money to purchase it.
Austin was a great listener - something I miss so much. I mentioned in passing one day that I would like a tea kettle that whistled and that is what he bought me. It wasn't fancy or expensive...just perfect. That tea kettle remains on my stove and each time I see it, I am reminded of him.
2007
Mother's Day will never be the same be for me. There will always be an empty spot where a day of joy should be. You expect your children to outlive you. There is no greater loss for a mother than losing a child.
I miss my firstborn. My son. My friend.
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