One of the simple, every day things that I miss is bringing home surprises for Austin. I enjoyed spending money on him because it didn't matter if it cost one dollar or fifty, he was always appreciative. Even if it was a pack of gum or a jug of Sunny D, he'd grab me in a big hug and with that sweet smile of his, he'd thank me. Now, he needs for nothing and the only thing I can buy him is flowers for his grave. I go a step further and custom make each set for him, changing them with each season.
This time of year, as I'm checking off everyone else on my list, it's obvious someone very special isn't on it. Our first Christmas without Austin was so very difficult and it added to the pain that we'd already bought presents for him that had to be returned. Last year I changed our tradition of buying for a smaller child on the angel child and choosing a teen instead. I try to imagine, though it is hard, what Austin would have wanted at that age and we give to someone in need in his memory.