sharing laughter

Tim and I went to see Jeff Dunham this weekend. He is a ventriloquist/comedian and not someone we would have even known, were it not for Austin.

I remember a little over a year ago, Austin coming home from school with a giant smile and excited persistence that I log onto the internet. He took me to "Youtube", a website where you can view videos and clips from every day people to celebrities. He wanted me to see "Achmed" - one of Jeff's puppets.

When Austin enjoyed something, he did it whole-heartily and loved to share whatever it was with others. He knew Tim and I would find Jeff funny and we did. From then on, anytime he was on tv, Austin recorded him so we could watch it together.

The tickets for the show came on sale several months ago and I wondered, hesitated in buying them, because I didn't know if it would be too hard. Everything there would be a reminder of Austin. He knew Jeff's material word for word and could do a pretty good impression of Achmed. But I took a leap and purchased them anyway, thinking we could probably use a laugh by then.

I didn't realize at the time that the show would be close to 6 months to the day that we lost Austin. It isn't really something you count down -or up to. The "anniversaries" don't get any easier with time. If anything, it is harder, hurts more because you are no longer numb from the shock. You ache for time to go back because you've never been away from them this long.

And so, I worried about this weekend. It was filled with reminders of Austin, both with our annual trip to the zoo and then Jeff's concert, but they were good memories. Memories are all we have now and it helps to remember, to focus on the good times.

We laughed more last night at that show than we have in a long time. Every joke, every line, brought back memories of our special guy. I could almost see him broad smile, head back and belting out that great laugh that filled a room. We've spent so much of the past six months, filled with tears and sadness, some days it has consumed us. There still isn't a day that I don't cry. I don't know that there will ever be a day that I don't.

But it was good for a night to laugh and enjoy the moment. It is what Austin would have wanted.