9 months

It is unimaginable that 9 months have passed without Austin by my side. They say your life changes when you have a child. I know for sure that ours changed for the better when we had Austin. However, I never thought I'd have to experience life without my children. It is unreal. Life is not the same.

I can't say the phrase "9 months" without thinking of being pregnant with him. I've always loved to journal and I treasure everything I've written regarding Austin now. I recently pulled out my pregnancy journals and was shocked to find out the date I learned I was pregnant with him was November 29. How strange that this date would be the most blessed and joyous of days in one point of my life and the most horrid date later in my life.

Throughout my journal, I write about how hard it was to wait for Austin to arrive. In these past 9 months, I've spent the time wishing he was here; that it never happened, and that he'll walk back through the door. Back then, I prayed for a safe, healthy and happy baby. Now, I pray to understand what happened, hope that Austin did have a happy life and to know that he is at peace.