In Loving Memory

  • Remembering my beloved child, Austin, who passed away at the early age of 14. He lived more in those 14 short years than most and is an inspiration to us all.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Never Knowing

Austin was a gift to all who knew him. Whether you'd known him all your life or you just met, he left an impression on you. I have had strangers come up to me, telling me what a wonderful child he was. I read letters from kids at his school, some who only knew him in passing, who had a story to share. He certainly put a footprint on my heart that will never leave, as he did for many in our family. What hurts is the next generation who will never get to know what a treasure he was.

We celebrated my nephew's first birthday yesterday. There were so many bittersweet moments. I see a lot of Austin in little Allen and watching him tear into his birthday cake brought back so many memories. I remember Austin's first birthday like it was yesterday. I was also constantly aware of the absence of Austin. He loved Allen from the moment he held him in the hospital. I know a part of him is always around us but I wished so much for him to be with us yesterday, celebrating this milestone.

Austin was upset with me when my sister Raven had both of her babies, because I didn't let him skip school and stay there all night waiting for her to deliver. It always amazed me how much he enjoyed children, especially babies. You would think a teenage boy would care less but he could've held babies all day. He just had an instant connection with them. In fact, it is one of my last memories of Austin, holding both Bryanna and Allen that Thanksgiving weekend he passed. He couldn't decide which one to hold more and his phone was filled with pictures of them.
Austin used to be the only one Bryanna would go to in a crowd of our family. Her face would light up when he entered the room. Sadly, Allen didn't have a chance to get close to him, as Austin was gone just a little over a month after he was born. Both of them were so young when he passed that I wonder what memory, if any, they'll have of him. He loved them both so much, as he did all of his cousins. It just hurts that they won't be able to grow up knowing him.

Our family tree was cut short, mid-bloom, and it forever changed our future generations. So many will never truly know how wonderful he was.

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