Sometimes I Wonder...

Time doesn't heal the wounds of losing a child. The pain never goes away; you just learn to function and hide it better as the days go on.

As Austin's 16th birthday approaches, I'm flooded with memories of him and of dreams that will never be. So many milestones and moments we'll never get to share with him, now that he's gone.

The song, "Who you'd be today" seems to be running through my head both day and night. I've had so many dreams this week of Austin driving, of him having a baby of his own, of all the wishes I had for him. So sad that the only way I get to experience those special moments now are when I sleep.

The song really captures how it feels to lose someone so young,

so full of a future that ended too soon......

"Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
The death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your place

Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family?
I wonder, what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I'll see you again someday"

I miss my boy and I miss what could've been. Austin's future was so bright - so many endless possibilities - and I long for knowing who he would be as a young man and adult. While it hurts to wonder "Who he'd be today,"my heart is comforted in knowing who & how great he was.

We love and miss you, Austin.
Happy 16th Birthday in Heaven.