teenage memories

These are the hardest memories because they are the most recent. These moments are what we miss most of our sweet boy....

I remember how unorganized you were and how that made no sense to a Mom who schedules everything. I miss laughing about having to remind you what you went in the other room for, as if you were an elderly grandpa....and those last minute trips to the school to bring you whatever you forgot...and how we'd fuss about your messy room until you'd break down and clean it top to bottom, only to fall back to old habits within a few days.

I remember buying you your first cell phone and how thrilled you were. I think it was permanently attached to you from that point forward. I miss funny texts in the middle of the day, our afternoon chats on my drive home from work, and hearing the random ring tones you found.

I remember the day you joined the fire department and how happy you were. I miss picking on you about only wearing fire shirts after that, as it seemed that became your uniform of choice. I miss seeing your excitement when you got to spend time down there and I even miss arguing with you over texts when it was time to for you to come home.

I remember wondering every day if this would be the last day you would hug me without asking. I expected you to shy away from it as you got older but thankfully you never did. I held on to each one though and soaked them up, just in case. It didn't matter if it was a one arm hug on the way out of the truck or a full hug that welcomed home each day, they were all special because you gave them willingly. Those wonderful hugs may be one of the things I miss most.

I remember family game days and how much you loved playing Rook. I miss your laughter during these games and how you'd pick on whoever was playing at the table. We haven't played the game since you left, because it just isn't the same without you there.

I remember breaking up wrestling matches constantly between you, your Dad, and Noah. I knew that something was about to be broken in the house or someone would leave the floor crying. I remember how little you were when these matches started..when you'd hang from Dad's neck and try to pull him down with all your strength. And I was amazed at the change when you outgrew your Dad and were able to get the best of him on most days. I miss the laughter in our living room floor from those moments.

I remember your love of food and miss cooking for you. I loved making the meals you enjoyed most and seeing your smile when you smelled what I had cooking. I remember how you'd look at me for approval when we were eating out, before you ordered. You were like me, in that you enjoyed trying new dishes. Usually, I splurged and let you order whatever you wanted and you'd savor every bite. I miss spending time with you in the kitchen and taking you out to new restaurants.

I remember your love of music and how I was proud you appreciated all types. I tried to expose you to all genres from an early age. You were a great musician, playing multiple instruments and loved being in the band. You enjoyed listening to country, Christian, and some Top 40. Your favorite though, I think, was 80s hair bands, which I loved too. You raided my cd collection and fell in love with AC/DC. I miss going through my old favorites and sharing them with you. I miss driving nowhere with the windows down and the radio up jamming together.

I remember how helpful you were. As a toddler, you enjoyed helping me because it was something new and it made you feel big. After our wreck, you helped in the beginning out of necessity but I think you realized then how much of a difference it made. In the end, you helped because you wanted to and I rarely had to ask. If you saw me carrying something, you lifted it out of my arms. If you noticed the trash was full, you emptied it. If your dad was working on a project, you were right by his side. I miss coming home to see your smiling face in the driveway, so happy to see me and help me inside. Whenever I find myself needing to reach something or with my arms full, I look over my shoulder, wishing you were there.

We miss you so very much.