Musical Messages

Austin and I both shared a love for music. Like my mom did when she was pregnant with me, I exposed Austin to all types of music starting from the womb.

Music was always a part of our play when he was a baby and his favorite shows as a young child were the Disney Sing-A-Long series. I shared my favorites with him but allowed to be an individual in the choices he made. His taste changed over time. When he was younger, still in grade school he was all country - and his Dad couldn't have been prouder! As he grew older, he began to dip into my cd collection and found a love for classic rock. AC/DC was probably his favorite band when he passed. He loved the song "You shook me all night long" and it was his tune to play, anytime he needed to get pumped up.

Austin also enjoyed playing instruments and I was thrilled when he decided to join the band in middle school. I was impressed that his first year he mastered not only the trumpet but the french horn. He enjoyed playing for OC Band and was torn, knowing his freshman year would be his last to play. (His class schedule later wouldn't allow time for it.) I am so sad that I didn't get to see him play with the high school band, as he passed before their Christmas concert.

I have fond memories too of playing Guitar Hero and RockBand with him. I think he was surprised and impressed the first time I picked up the game guitar and rocked it out. He didn't quite know what to think the first time I beat him. It was funny but he was actually proud of me for being able to hold my own with it and would brag about it to his friends.

I've been amazed that he has used music so often to send messages to me from beyond. So many, many times a song will play at just the right moment, with just the right words I need to hear. The most impressive was the day of the visitation. Tim and I were so lost, unsure how we would make it through this day. The night before, I had turned off the truck radio because I was tired of hearing the joyous Christmas music. As we pulled into the funeral home, the radio came on by itself and a song played, "God is gonna do something good with me" and we were instantly calmed. As quickly as the radio came on, it went off again, as if only to share that brief message with us. And it was what we needed. We were filled with such a sense of peace that day that it held us up to make it through.

Most of the songs playing on this site, were played at his funeral, and were my messages to him. They share who he was and how we feel about him. They are a comfort to me still, even if I cry every time I hear them. Music is healing.

The latest song I have heard that makes me think of Austin, is "Riverbank" a country song by a new artist. The song started playing one day, while I was especially praying about Tim and hoping he have some peace with this loss. The song's words were so perfect to explain where Tim was and how he is feeling.

The chorus is: "I wish this was a riverbank instead of a graveyard, wish we were sittin and fishin and this wouldn't be so hard. It was my favorite thing that we use to do, but now we cant. I wish you were here, I wish this was a river bank." And the bridge: "I know you wouldn't want me sittin around being sad, you taught me better then that. So I'm leavin now and gonna head on out and try and catch a few, and while I'm there, I'll cast a line for you." I've added it the site.

Maybe the song will send a helpful message to someone else.